Two-Line Poetry Competition

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST

COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE 

RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, 

AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

  1.  My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: 

Marrying  you has screwed up my life.

2.  I see your face when I am dreaming. 

That's why I always wake up screaming. 

3.  Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; 

This describes everything you are not.

4.  Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, 

But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

5.  I thought that I could love no other ...

that is, until I met your brother.

6.  Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. 

But the roses are wilting,the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's 

empty, and so is your head.

7.  I want to feel your sweet embrace; 

But don't take that paper bag off your face. 

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes. 

Damn, I'm good at telling lies! 

9.  My love, you take my breath away. 

What have you stepped in to smell this way?

10.  My feelings for you no words can tell, 

Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

11.  What inspired this amorous rhyme? 

Two parts vodka, one part lime.

Door Science.

"Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only  to completely forget what that purpose was? 

Turns out, doors themselves are  to blame for these strange memory lapses.

Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what's known as an event boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next.

Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for the new locale."

So now we know.....

 

It's not aging, it's the bl**dy door! ....

 

Thank goodness for scientific studies  :))

LOL (6).

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. ... Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.' - LOL

LOL (5).

Virginity is like a balloon, 1 pop and it's gone forever.

Sex is like Pringles, once you start you can't stop.

The exam paper is like a dick, when it gets hard, people get fucked.

Fate is like getting raped, you can't fight it so learn to enjoy it.

Work is like group sex, 10 people are behind your ass to take your place.

Education is like hiring a prostitute, it needs both your money and hard work.

Success is like masturbating, only with your own hand can you achieve it.

LOL (5).

妈：爸，你知道Transformer吗？
爸：Transformer不就是那些电板上的...
妈：不是啦，是会动的机器人啦，就很有力的，车会变成机器人那个​啊。那我问你，Transformer的妹妹是什么？
爸：......？
妈：是Transistor咯。
我：那不是有Transmother和Transfather咯​？
爸：不是，那个叫Transparent...
弟：那Transformer迟到了就叫Translate了.​..
我：Transformer的毛就叫Transfer，Tran​sformer的任务叫Transmissions!!!!

LOL (4).

3 Chinese Brothers(Bu, Chu and Fu) want to immigrate to america so they 

change their names to sound more american. 

Bu changes his name to Buck. 

Chu changes his name to Chuck. 

And Fu gets sent back to China.

LOL (3).

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE . God is watching.' 
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.' 

LOL (2).

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said. 
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.' 

LOL (1).

IF SPONGEBOB LIVES IN A CIRCULAR PINEAPPLE 

WHY DOES IT HAVE CORNERS?? 

……..

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