The Truth is the truth but only the truth. Sadly it is sad to know that it is sad too.

Monday, February 28, 2011
Ok lah after reading the note its is really the truth lah. Maybe after hanging out with all of you for 1 year now. But no matter what, the fact is that we are all still of different nationality. If i was to go to malaysia to study i also would kbkp, as would all my singapore friends would too. They also always make fun of me cos my poly friends almost all malaysian. But i always whack their bloody head for being too narrow minded. But when i comes down to it, ironically too, that the minority is the one that hangs out with the majority. I was like my friends also, laughing at people who hang out with other nationality, with the thinking that those people their own countrymen no friend so hang out with other country people. Friends, singapore, of course have, the whole singapore have, literally, lol. But good and close friends.. not many, dunno, seems singaporean kids all very narrow minded. Its a bit sad. Maybe cos i am not at the right place bah. Anyway, even if u justify that this is not to make fun of singapore, i still feel that its a bit bad lah. ok fine maybe its ur personal opinions. Every country all got different culture what.. Culture: money, money, money. like wtf? u only get this mindset cos u came here cos of money in the first place. Don't go insult a population of 3+million singaporeans.(ppl who r really singaporeans) U r not singaporean, neither am i from malaysia. Ok, like my friends and i always quarrel, saying how good each of our country is better than the other. I will play along. But when it comes down to it, it is a bit irritating lah. come on, u always come hina my country, so i always say,"The fuck u come here in the first place then?" True wad, if u don't like it here, don't come lah. If its cos of the money, den dun insult the singapore dollar that it is OUR culture? how would u like it if i call ur malaysia a piece of 3rd world country land? also not nice rite? even if i say ur country is bloody corrupted, u also will agree with me. like u ownself admit i also dun feel any sense of achievement. U like tok like those kinda sore loser. OK maybe i dunno who the hell r u that wrote those down lah. But i feel u a bit fuck up lah. singapore never welcome you take our money wad, is u urself no money wan come here 1 leh. u got ur manglish we got our singlish. 
"Live with it or Fuck off."
To all my malaysian friends.. This is personal opinion base on that note post. Not u all, u all still my good friends, some best. Everyday i think how time will soon pass in a few years and u all will go back malaysia. "No matter the distance, our friendship will never die." I think this quote is nonsense. So what if our friendship never die, i also don't see your face anymore the fuck i want the friendship? i only want your company. Ok lah no matter what everyone will be apart sooner or later. and maybe got facebook all those stuff. But every single day going to school and seeing your faces i never regret a single day being with u all. U all are the only friends that would actually have the heart to say,"eh y so emo? u ok or not?" my singapore friends all will barely say. My singapore friends all like rino, hard as hell. But after knowing u all i like from rino become jelly, so easy emotional 1. ok maybe good maybe bad. i everyday little thing also can cry if jia lat enuf. nb go sch can cry somemore. Secondary sch i already suan damn jia lat among my friends for being sensitive den meet u all i machum lagi jia lat. Aiyo. 1 more year den we all split class i think about it i also can cry sia. I am like the class rep of the class, i think like no me as d rep the class a bit cui eh? lmao joel even wanted to be sia tt time, lucky PEM come in during our lecture i havnt leave yet. dunno how the next yr will turn out lah. Good or not, sad or happy, i know that a point of time in my life i was happy with u all and i knew i would be missing u sooner or later. Tml already last paper, end of year 1. we all must jia you. :) I really jobless sia go type this stuff down instead of studying. lmao. fudge really hailut amt. :P
ps my english, especially grammer really become more cui the more i hang out with u all, i am becoming half a malaysian liao. wowzers. english bad but friends still understand me can liao . :D i also cant be bothered not say got any english exam in poly, only french. HAHA. (Y)

3 people in your life.


There will be 3 people you’ll meet in your life. The one you love. The one who loves you. And the one you’ll be with. The truth is that none of these people will ever be the same as the other.


Process. Integrate. Goodbye.

Where'd you go? I miss you so Seems like it's been forever That you've been gone. 

I want you to know it's a little fucked up
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin'
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless

It seems one thing has been true all along
You don't really know what you got 'til it's gone
I guess I've had it with you and your career
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it

It seems so endless. I feel so moodless. Jobless. serious shit. Bloody last exam is less than a day left. And i am thinking of you. Fuck, last night shouldn't have talked about it. Maybe my mind and my heart is already numb, but it's still a memory and it ain't so easy to forget like i'd always claim. Fuck My Life. No. Fuck me. Useless. I feel so useless. Like life has no purpose anymore. I live with no regrets. I had lived to forget these regrets. The memories will fade. Love is hard. To me, you're everything. To you, I'm nothing. Doesn't matter. You're not the one. I've learn to realise that the hard way. I knew that from the start. But i chose this. I told myself from the start. But i chose, i took the gamble, and i lost more than i'd ever won, and i've only ended up with none. 
Exam is tomorrow. Most probably i'll fuck it up. Like Francis said,"Last paper, last day, just go 4 it." Yeah . I couldn't care less. Tell me.. what's the secret that you've been hiding? I should have read the signs. But i guess it's over. I had thought you were my friend. ..yes.. i would call you if i needed u too be there. Now i just need to be alone. I need to find myself again. My life now is a mess. such a big mess. I'm smoking everyday, drinking,  doing everything i stopped for you. Can't believe i was such a fool. So ironic what is hurting me emotionally is helping me physically. 
In life there are 3 types of people:
The one you love, The one who loves you, and the one who you'll be with.

The one i love is already most probably found. The one who loves me is not. I'd rather not meet her, i can't bear to break the soul.. Maybe i have. But than again, this person now isn't the one. The one who'll be with me...I am waiting for you.. It will most probably take a very long time... I wonder if 2012 is real now.. I would really wanna know before the end of time.. I would love you so much.. 

My hand is hurting so much now..... Been hurting since in the library... I am damn emotionally unstable now.. I need a hug right now. 
"kiss me along the sidewalk and take away the pain."
I want my hand to stop hurting... so badly.. no one will understand this .. only just one person.. i would very much like to give you all my blessings and be with her, tell you everything, joke or not, it still hurts as hell, cos forgetting is easy, forgiving is hard. I cannot forgive myself.. I feel like an imbecile.. Like a fucking idiot wasting my time.. Stupid asshole, thinking that how great it is, that everything served is on a silver platter. LIFE IS NOT SO EASY. GRAB WHAT YOU WANT WITH BOTH HANDS. fuck you jeremy, U're such a dick. 

The sun is clouded. The heart is screaming. The hand is burning. 

"Does he watch your favorite movies? Does he hold you when you cry? Does he tell you all your favorite parts, after you've seen a million times? Does he sing to all your favorite music while you dance a purple rain?"
Will he love you like i loved u....... 
Fuck.

Please, the one i am suppose to be with, please appear to my life.. I really need a wish right now. I don't need to be with you now, I just need a hug right now.

I can only wish you well. 
Life is all about taking chances, experiencing life, experimenting, rising, falling. 
I have done all of that, i am only sorry you were part of it. 

Time to move on. Time to start my life again. It stopped a long time ago. Now it needs to be started. Not the time to be living in the past. I have to move on. I WILL FORGET YOU. Isn't that what u said before?

I wish you could be with him. Stupid you. Saying it's so easy. Like all my efforts were so meaningless, so useless. Yeah, it might be useless, but it was not meaningless. I could never understand you. I found a theory. I knew that theory a long time ago.. But i tried, i just couldn't wait. I would be dying now. I am only just barely dying now. So i'd guess this is a good thing.. for both of us.. Fuck just go end me misery, please, be with him. I know you 2 will be so happy together... I just wish i wasn't there to see it. It makes me wanna quit school. Such simple actions to make drastic consequences. I am not so dumb. That was my heart speaking only. 


"Sensible-self, would you kindly shut up?"

Why make it strong to break it once again?
I think i better leave right now,
Before i fall any deeper.