Where'd you go? I miss you so Seems like it's been forever That you've been gone.
I want you to know it's a little fucked up
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin'
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless
It seems one thing has been true all along
You don't really know what you got 'til it's gone
I guess I've had it with you and your career
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it
It seems so endless. I feel so moodless. Jobless. serious shit. Bloody last exam is less than a day left. And i am thinking of you. Fuck, last night shouldn't have talked about it. Maybe my mind and my heart is already numb, but it's still a memory and it ain't so easy to forget like i'd always claim. Fuck My Life. No. Fuck me. Useless. I feel so useless. Like life has no purpose anymore. I live with no regrets. I had lived to forget these regrets. The memories will fade. Love is hard. To me, you're everything. To you, I'm nothing. Doesn't matter. You're not the one. I've learn to realise that the hard way. I knew that from the start. But i chose this. I told myself from the start. But i chose, i took the gamble, and i lost more than i'd ever won, and i've only ended up with none.
Exam is tomorrow. Most probably i'll fuck it up. Like Francis said,"Last paper, last day, just go 4 it." Yeah . I couldn't care less. Tell me.. what's the secret that you've been hiding? I should have read the signs. But i guess it's over. I had thought you were my friend. ..yes.. i would call you if i needed u too be there. Now i just need to be alone. I need to find myself again. My life now is a mess. such a big mess. I'm smoking everyday, drinking, doing everything i stopped for you. Can't believe i was such a fool. So ironic what is hurting me emotionally is helping me physically.
I wish you could be with him. Stupid you. Saying it's so easy. Like all my efforts were so meaningless, so useless. Yeah, it might be useless, but it was not meaningless. I could never understand you. I found a theory. I knew that theory a long time ago.. But i tried, i just couldn't wait. I would be dying now. I am only just barely dying now. So i'd guess this is a good thing.. for both of us.. Fuck just go end me misery, please, be with him. I know you 2 will be so happy together... I just wish i wasn't there to see it. It makes me wanna quit school. Such simple actions to make drastic consequences. I am not so dumb. That was my heart speaking only.
In life there are 3 types of people:
The one you love, The one who loves you, and the one who you'll be with.
The one i love is already most probably found. The one who loves me is not. I'd rather not meet her, i can't bear to break the soul.. Maybe i have. But than again, this person now isn't the one. The one who'll be with me...I am waiting for you.. It will most probably take a very long time... I wonder if 2012 is real now.. I would really wanna know before the end of time.. I would love you so much..
My hand is hurting so much now..... Been hurting since in the library... I am damn emotionally unstable now.. I need a hug right now.
"kiss me along the sidewalk and take away the pain."
I want my hand to stop hurting... so badly.. no one will understand this .. only just one person.. i would very much like to give you all my blessings and be with her, tell you everything, joke or not, it still hurts as hell, cos forgetting is easy, forgiving is hard. I cannot forgive myself.. I feel like an imbecile.. Like a fucking idiot wasting my time.. Stupid asshole, thinking that how great it is, that everything served is on a silver platter. LIFE IS NOT SO EASY. GRAB WHAT YOU WANT WITH BOTH HANDS. fuck you jeremy, U're such a dick.
The sun is clouded. The heart is screaming. The hand is burning.
"Does he watch your favorite movies? Does he hold you when you cry? Does he tell you all your favorite parts, after you've seen a million times? Does he sing to all your favorite music while you dance a purple rain?"
Will he love you like i loved u.......
Fuck.
Please, the one i am suppose to be with, please appear to my life.. I really need a wish right now. I don't need to be with you now, I just need a hug right now.
I can only wish you well.
Life is all about taking chances, experiencing life, experimenting, rising, falling.
I have done all of that, i am only sorry you were part of it.
Time to move on. Time to start my life again. It stopped a long time ago. Now it needs to be started. Not the time to be living in the past. I have to move on. I WILL FORGET YOU. Isn't that what u said before?
"Sensible-self, would you kindly shut up?"
Why make it strong to break it once again?I think i better leave right now,Before i fall any deeper.
