I am very sad now.. The recent days were one of the most horrible days of my life. I always thought how my limits were, how far it would take me before i would crumble and cry. Yes i cry. I am not afraid to say it anymore, i have been crying for d last few days.. and no it's not a matter of sitting in my room and crying.. it's an outburst of stress and anger and anguish when im toking to people who care about me till i just tipped over my limit till the tears just started streaming down my face. That was how bad it was, that is how bad it is now.
If people said that they had their limitations, then what comes after going pass their limits?I have a choice, to move forward, to push my limits forward and see how much this can take me, or just forget everything..
It's not running away, it's just a realization that you don't need some people and their crap.It is true. I don't need nonsense in my life. BUT i chose them. I had picked them, i had the choice to back out. BUT why didn't I? i thought i could handle it. i thought it would just pass. Maybe it would, but the effects it causes me after it happens just doesn't pass, it haunts me ...
I thought i was strong... I thought i could do it... I feel really weak now.. I know i have friends, family, my loved ones.. I really do love you all. But i am at such a limit that tears could pass off as tears of yawning. I might sound like a fucking gay and a little cunt crying like a dog. But i have really pass my limit. I don't know if any of you can notice.. But everyday since the first day of my role as a Dance Captain.. Or maybe even before that, i was on my verge. Everything came out finally on monday.. But i chose not to say anything.. i kept in confinement to those that knows my issue. I'd rather not tell my other friends.. I know they won't really help me.. and i hate to say why i am so upset.. I tried telling my dad and sis.. it ended with them telling me how idiotic i was to care so much abt this.. I teared so fucking hard my dad walked away. They have known me for 18 years.. they know how sensitive i am.. I still don't think they know my situation. Maybe they do. Advices i am hearing now are related, some aren't. But what's the point of listening when nothing happens? I am dying inside slowly. I have pass my limits, i am wishing, praying, that i havn't pass to the point of no return. I wish I had someone who understands me now.. To hold me close and tell me everything will be alright. Cos everything is not alright now.
I know some of u feel that u are to blame for all my sorrows.. Don't be.. it's just accumulated stress.
And some of you who don't know that you are to blame for my sorrows.. I am just very disappointed in you.
